Ladies, you are at that stage in life that a desire for a relationship has snuck up on you. Not the relationship of the world around you where there’s on again off again, where there’s sleeping around and experimenting. No, you want something real. What you want is someone who will be your best friend, who will love you unconditionally, who loves his family and loves yours. Someone who loves you so much that they have this desire to protect and provide for you. Not because you asked but because God instilled it in him before the two of you even met.
You want someone you can share your whole life with. From cool adventures, to children, to those pesky trials that you can be certain will show up during the relationship. But that is ok! It means God will use those trials to teach you both something by growing your faith in God and your relationship as husband and wife. There’s a catch. In order to have that desire come to fruition there’s something called waiting that you have to do.
I know I know it’s a word that—even as a young child—we despise. It can be miniscule like waiting for your favorite show(s) to come back from hiatus, waiting for something you ordered to arrive, or waiting in traffic. Yet, it can be immense when waiting to be old enough to get your license, waiting to graduate high school or college; waiting for that right job to open up, or to receive a raise. The fact is life is FULL of waiting. However, likely the hardest things to wait for are the ones you desire the most. For most of us girls, courtship/dating is that area.
It has gotten to the place that we become impatient, and we settle for the man that has some of the qualities that are in our hearts for our future husband but after a few months (maybe even years later) you come to the realization that he does not value you. Not in the same way Abraham did Sarah; the way Isaac did Rebekah; the way Jacob did Rachel; the way Boaz did Ruth; more importantly, the way Jesus does his bride… us. You might ask how Jesus even enters the conversation; he was the only person on this earth not to succumb to sin. Moreover, Ephesians 5:25-29 show us exactly how Jesus needs to be at the center of this conversation. It reads:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church.
In other words, Jesus loved his bride, us, so much that he was willing and did die for us. He is the prime example of the ultimate husband and the kind of man we who are God’s daughters deserve.
Now you might say that this is a difficult act to follow, and you are so right it is because no man on this earth (not even your earthly father, grandpa, uncle, guardian, etc.) will ever love you anywhere near the level God does. Here is the thing, there are fathers who would give up their life for their child but note that in other areas that earthly illustration of love comes with imperfections and, at times, disappointments. That is because only our perfect God can love us entirely the way we need. So even for those who did not have a great earthly father, a husband will never love you like God either.
I want to take a moment for those who did not have an earthly father to show that daddy/daughter love growing up. As a result, of that wound, you have found other ways to compensate and fill that void. It does not necessarily mean you looked to fill it with a man; it can be in other ways, only you know what that is. Please, look to the one who created you to heal that wound, and allow him to cover you with his unconditional and insurmountable love. Let God be the father you never had on earth; and, let Him show you through His word how he is so much more than what an earthly father is.
Since God loved you so much that he sent his precious son to die for you; since he wants the man that you marry to love you the way Jesus Christ did/does; and, since he created marriage in the first place. Then why not give the reins for this monumental area called marriage to him? God knows every detail, every weakness and strength in you; and he knows your desire for that special relationship called courtship/dating and later marriage. Who do you think put every desire you have for your future husband in your heart? Because of this, it is important that you trust God, for he knows which young man would be the perfect fit for the two of you to become one.
Now that’s not to say this future husband will do no wrong or that he will always be wonderful when around you. He’ll have his moments and struggles just like you will. But the beauty of what God brings together is it’s to further HIS kingdom. What you two do together will influence people; some you may not have realized you affected until you get to heaven. For the two of you as a couple, you’ll sharpen each other’s iron. Meaning, those areas that you’re weak in, your husband just might be strong in those areas and vice versa. In a world that has changed marriage into what your spouse can do for you, by choosing to wait for God, you and your future husband can be one of God’s power couples that draw people to Him. How? By being in a counter culture marriage that illustrates God’s design for marriage, which is two imperfect people loving each other unconditionally and being selfless in assisting one another.
You may be saying, you’re tired of waiting, you’re tired of feeling lonely, and you want to be in the game instead of sitting on the sidelines watching friends or relatives participating. I get it; I’ve had the struggle and the frustrations too. Friends and relatives of mine are in relationships some younger, some older. Regardless, I hold on to Ecclesiastes 3:1, which says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” I believe that there is a day where God will have my path cross with my future husband. When will that be? I don’t know, and I’ve accepted it (believe me when I say it took time for me to be at peace with that). I don’t see my future husband in front of me, nor do I know where he is, but I know God sees him wherever he is, and He is preparing my future husband just as He’s preparing me.
What I do know is when God brings a man and a woman together in marriage, it is to become one flesh and he instructs us not to let anyone separate it, including Satan (Matthew 19:5-6 and Mark 10:7-9). And believe it, he will try because he knows that the relationship is a threat to his cause to kill, steal and destroy people on this earth (John 10:10). Therefore, when you have those lonely moments, which will come and go, those questions of why hasn’t God brought him along, trust and believe that when the right man does arrive, it’ll be far better than someone you picked for yourself. He will love you more than any man on this earth, he will protect and provide for you, and he will value you. Your future husband will be far better than you ever dreamed he would be. This is how God treats his beloved daughters; this is how He treats you.
All Bible verses are from: The Holy Bible: New International Version.